Path through the domestic clutter

How do you go about clearing a path through the rubbles? Ok, so I am exaggerating the chaos but the question ‘where do I start kept niggling me.’

I kept reminding myself to stay calm and that my babu was my priority. Since I was breast feeding him, I atleast didn’t have to worry about making and storing baby foods.

Flylady keeps reminding us that the place did not clutter in a day so it will take time to clear. I started following the newsletter again and working a bit on the zones. The zone that was on when I started was kitchen which worked just fine for me. I had to order groceries , veggies etc. So I did wiping and cleaning as I went about storing them. So within a week the kitchen was, if not its old self, at least civilised.

As I kept up going bravely with one bag at a time, one drawer at a time; Soon tabletops began to appear. Floor space resurfaced. Of course my loving DH helped me and supported me along the way.

 With the de-cluttering slowly my mind de-cluttered. Believe me an untidy surrounding can really clog the thoughts. There are still a lot of things that need work. Slow and steady is how I plan to go. Everything from my wardrobe , clothes , kitchen stuff, hobby stuff, THE PROJECTS will all get sorted in due course of time.

This is also when the thoughts of doing something to express myself and returning back to the blog came to me. Here I am, Miles to go before I rest.

Will I ever be able to organise this chaos that is threatening to takeover my life? A feeling of anxiety (was it simply that or terror) made its way up my tummy, threatening to choke me . I burst into tears; this would be the first of a number of breakdown episodes that would follow in the next 48 hours.

After five years of wishing and praying, our bundle of joy has arrived. I spent three months at my mother’s recuperating. I was on a holiday from day to day homemaking responsibilities. That gave me ample time to think. And believe me a baby teaches you a lot of things. But, let me leave all that for later.

I had just returned home after three months. In those months my home had turned into a bachelor pad. Chaos is the name that comes to mind as look around. I was surrounded by bags, not only those that I brought with me during the shift from mom’s, but also the gifts that I had sent weeks before after the naming ceremony of our DS.

 I had no shelf space to unpack our (baby’s and mine) bags. The shelf I had emptied for Babu was cluttered by now. Thankfully my mom was with me to help me settle. As I mentioned I broke down into tears a number of times in the first two days. Then decided to tighten my belt and get to work. My baby did not need a sloppy home as well as a cry baby for a mother.

For the longest time I have been toying with the idea of de-cluttering, organising, minimalistic living ...... basically de-cluttering and organising every aspect of my life. I started taking baby steps with Flylady off and on. But I could not get over my hoarding nature. Projects were initiated but they never saw the day of light. Everything interested me from collecting imported chocolate wrappers (which I did as a child with little access to these goodies) to coins and stamps. Never got around to doing any of these seriously enough so I find a few coins here, a few currency notes there .... Well you get the picture.

Five years in our new apartment and I kept making excuses to myself for the delay. But now I had to pull up my socks and just do it. So as I go ahead I will also write about organising. Well, I will also have to control myself and remember the mess won’t get cleared overnight. It will take time to set routines, de-clutter, make place for each item. I should not get carried away and then crib out of that frustration. Oh yes! I am a big cribber. It’s a good thing that my husband is a patient soul ;).

Ok, so one more thing to change my cribbing nature. Well looks like it is going to be all round revamp personally, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc etc. Let me get to work. 

New Beginnings

As usual I did not keep up with the blog. Two posts and I disappeared. A lot has happened since and I am now a mom to my four month old prince. He is really a doll. He is playing on his own right now while I sit here typing this.

Hopefully this time I will post more often. Fingers crossed. Post delivery I have been itching to do something to, I think, ascertain myself of normalcy. To have 'Me' time, to be able to express myself or to be able to contribute to the now increased household expenses ... Well whatever it might be. I have to confess I am going through a myriad of emotions.

 I am happy that my long awaited wish of being a mom has been granted , then again I am no longer earning. From being on the verge of joining our family business full time and helping set up office , I am now a full time SAHM. A lot of you who are reading this may have gone through this feeling that I am going through where monthly income stops and you are now dependent on your hubby. My DH has no qualms about me shopping or spending for he knows I never go on a shopping spree or indulge in foolish impulsive buys. But is Dil ko kaun samjhaye ( Who will explain this to my heart).

So now after this brief description of my state, I will start posting my journey here onwards. Also I would love to share a post here and there about my struggle with trying to be a mom before I conceived. Probably someone out there going through it will feel comforted and feel a little better while TTC. The posts may seem about this that and everything and haphazard to some. But that's what this is about my world , my reflections. J

Grape juice ... for my soul

I have to definitely try and include fruits in my diet. Both me and hubby are not great on remembering to eat fruits. We get this sudden urge to eat healthy and buy a variety, but after a couple of days poor things they are out of sight in the fridge and out of mind.

A couple of weeks ago I discovered some black grapes in the fridge waiting for us to discover them . So they were a little soft but very sweet. With the new enthusiasm, that I am trying to maintain, I searched for a recipe for grape juice . Sure enough I found a simple one. Lo behold ! lovely and refreshing grape juice was ready to quench our thirst on this hot summer mid-morning. 

Here are pics and recipe in short. So I first washed and then cooked the grapes slightly in water. This makes them softer.

Next , I blended it and sieved it. Add Sugar and Chat masala as per taste.

 Enjoy !!

I felt really good after making it. I have decided to keep myself busy . Try new things , make some conscious changes in my life. During the day, I stop and think about all the things I have accomplished that day and pat myself on the back. This reminds me that I am capable of doing so many things efficiently. This boosts my moral. The wait is still a part of life , but now I try to see that it does not bog me down.

I thank my lord daily, for he is helping me discover so many things about myself. I know awesome things are in store for me.

I am back !

HI ! I return after, what do I say, a sabbatical ? More like I got lost in catching up with whatever life had in store for me. Trying to mould myself.... trying to stay ahead. Changed a couple of jobs , got married , bought a home together, car, now am trying to juggle n number of roles and waiting for the much awaited one, for which I became a homemaker four years ago, that of a mother.

TTC comes with its fair share of challenges, especially when it’s unexplained. Watching friends and relatives making family, facing the questions of relatives (who seem more worried about your life than their own). At times facing comments and unwanted advices of interfering acquaintances. Fighting with your own demons, own fears, struggling  to stay positive.

With the support of an amazing spouse , parents, sister and friend am trying to stay sane. Stay positive.

Why me? This question pops every day, more so when the sad reminder of another month gone by comes. I have always been interested in Yoga, meditation and alternate healing techniques. So with the help of these am trying to, not only answer the “ Why me?” question , but am also trying to reinvent my life for a better future.

When I look back on my life so far, I realise the reason for various events that took place, reason for various people that I have met and reasons for various lessons life has thought me. It was just God’s way of directing me to what was best for me. He was helping me prepare myself for life’s tests. Yes , I see it in Hindsight. But again my mind questions , so why the delay in blessing me , us with our bundle of joy?

My husband, who like my mother, is a patient soul with complete faith in Almighty’s plan. He says that God has chosen a really special soul to be placed in our arms and that is why he is taking time , so that everything will be perfect when it comes into our life. I am not so patient, and tend to question and argue about this. Feel, like many women in my shoes, that I am being wronged. But very recently I have felt a change coming over me. I am feeling calm. I am hind sighting.

I have been visualizing and thinking positive , just as “The Secret “ advises us. But now I have started feeling strongly that if what my husband says ( I believe him) is correct then I should be working towards creating a perfect environment for the child. May be God is giving me time for all the changes that I have always wanted to make in me and my life. I feel Almighty’s warm presence and his blessings. I am taking some small step towards a new me of whom I have only dreamt.

I am a very private person.I  don’t open up much with strangers. But a few days back a strange thought came to me one night. There may be so many like me out there, who are going through the same experience. What if somehow in a tiny way my thoughts help them.... But exposing myself to the world is terrifying. Ok, I tell myself, so what if some feel I sound immature or worse come worse stupid. But putting those positive words and my trial out there would only lighten my soul. What if I am not able to continue it, what if I don’t stick to my plan to change and give it up like so many things I have probably left halfway? So what this isn't some competition, nor is it some sort of test. Who is to know? So by now you know that I am a habitual worrier and a very timid person J

So here goes, I will at least start ..... God bless me.                                          

Streets erupt in celebrations

India won the ICC 20-20 being held in South Africa. Wow ! wow ! wow ! A victory everyone was yearning for. It’s been so long since Indian cricket team won a tournament isn’t it?
I am not an avid cricket person. Not a sports person. I was at work, but I would like to add , fortunate enough to see the last two balls played that changed things. The Second last ball hit for a six and the last one which was a failed attempt at another six.
It happened just about five minutes before I left office. My boss warned me that it might be difficult to reach the station which was five minutes away due to crackers and celebrators. That was what they showed on TV after a victory so it must be happening in real life. Du-uh ! but I had never experienced it.
Sure enough I was met with a street full of people of all ages bursting crackers then some more dancing on the streets to drum beats. Fluttering Indian flags and shouting Bharat Mata ki jai. Boy! What a sight it was. People from all walks of life, all religions, and all ages were just caught in the moment celebrating the victory. How I wish I could capture it on camera? But I don’t as a rule carry camera to work. But I decided I had to record this moment on my blog.

Bharat Mata Ki Jai !!

Children as Pawns in a game called life.

I was in a queue at the rickshaw stand. Like all there, I was also in a hurry to reach home after the day’s work. As the queue moved a man with a child seemed to adjust his position in the queue just ahead of me. I had been preoccupied but was fairly certain that he was slipping in the queue. But yes there was also a suspicion that while in my own musings I might not have noticed him before. A lone dad with a child of around a year I think draws some sympathy. No other family members were in sight. The people in the queue who would have yelled at anyone, man or woman, who tried to break the queue also did not react. This seemed a sufficient support to my suspicion that I had not noticed the man before.

The queue proceeded slowly. Finally it was his turn. He got into a rick and signaled. Lo behold from somewhere miraculously appeared a wife and a daughter of about 9 yrs. They had not been anywhere in plain sight before. They glanced furtively at people waiting for their turn. No it was not a figment of my imagination the guilt was written all over their faces.

I was irked not only because they had broken the order but more so because they had used a child in such a fashion. They were educated folks for heavens’ sake! Well, why then do we look down upon beggars who play on the people’s emotions to earn . Some of them are actually needy and some probably have really borne the child they are lugging for sympathy. It is a universal phenomenon. Why aren’t there people in the so called developed countries who bear more and more children just for the financial support and subsidies that the government gives for the children?

Commercially too companies make use of children in ads to attract parents into buying the goods. Everything from cement to undergarments features children, who get influenced by these messages and persuade their parents to buy these commodities. Why even in some marriages we see the children being used as pawns by their parents.
Well, then I guess there is no end to it. Who is to decide whether its right or wrong and how is any one going to be able to curb it. It is human psychology. Didn’t Kunti , Mother of Pandavas In Mahabharata, try to play on her deserted son Karna’s emotions to try and protect her legitimate sons ?