After the baby arrived I realized that I was too set in my
ways, had too many hang ups about how certain things should be done around the
house, about routines and among other things I had become the slave of the
clock. What does that mean? Well, I lived by the watch. So what is bad in that
you ask?
They say too much of anything is harmful, so that is the
case with me. I would try to race against the time, multitask like crazy, try
to do too many things at once; constantly watching the clock. I was too
disciplined about being on time, yes that is good. But even when we had to
leave for a function with friends or so I would act like I had a flight to
catch and become irritated if they were late by say even five minutes.
But my babu made me realize my shortcomings , this one among
others. Babies don’t care what the clock hands point to. They know only what
their bodies tell them. Feed when hungry, sleep when tired and rest of the time
play to their heart’s content. Peaceful existence. No deadlines as to by which
date to start turning or sitting or walking or talking. Each baby decides for
herself. Wish we could live like that. May be not a very good idea for grown
ups. A little deadline, and our needs are good to keep us on track and not let
us slide into lethargy.
But, since I am working on a new me, patience is also going
to be something I will work on. Also I am trying to be a little relaxed about
certain household hang-ups. These will definitely make my life much simpler and
me much more peaceful. Constantly racing against time gets me so wired up ,
that I am unable to appreciate the chores and jobs that get tackled
successfully . So now occasionally (especially
during the feedings which are a compulsory breaks ;)) , I take deep breathes ,
relax my muscles and give an imaginary pat on my back as I go through all I
have accomplished through the day till then.
This has also made me accept myself as a human being and not
a robot to get everything 100% correct. Long ago, my then head of department
had pointed out to me that I was too strict on myself and had to allow myself a
little margin for error, as trying to be perfect all the time took a toll on
me. But all that for another day.
Now I try to live each moment, may it be feeding, cleaning ,
cooking or successfully pacifying a sometimes cranky baby. This moment will not
return and is best thoroughly enjoyed now.
